sorry for the dude I have become.

Post by **ttocs** » Wed Mar 28, 2012 2:39 pm

hey fella's I wanted to take a moment and say I am sorry for any shit I have given and stirred up on here. I know you guys all know I am almost always sick and in the hospital and over all the years(here now infact) I have been dealing with this I have slowly watched myself turn into someone that I do not like. While I have watched it happen its been something I have had no control over and you have not even seen half of it. Before all this shit started I considered myself an optimist, hell I was selected by my company to do high-school mentoring and was an all around happy dude. But over the years I have slowly watched everything I liked or loved stripped away from my passion for mountain biking that kept me grounded by getting my aggresions out to just any of the foods I use to enjoy, finally to my independence when I lost my job because of it. I have had Dr's call me everything from a nut-job that is making myself throw up to a drug addict after they can't figure out what is wrong either. Naturally watching all that go down while watching everything I enjoyed go away has turned me into a pretty bitter guy now as I now consider myself a mysanthope to the T. I am sure as you have noticed I spend too much time online now just trying to fill the time and find myself being easier and easier to get wound up in my boredom....

Its certainly time for a change just not sure how to go about it. This year so far has been better since I was able to finally win my disability case. It not only meant that I would finally not have to depend on unemployment that was running out or my family but it also gave me a little more credability with my dr's. I guess if the gov can accept it they can too as the dr's have been better to deal with this year.

Another bit of good news arrived this weekend in the form of my disability settlement check as it was a bit of a suprise. Somewhere along the last two years I know I heard my lawyer/advocate say that the most you could get back-paid for was a year. What he meant to say was that NORMALLY you only get one year back . I filed the original case in 2008 by myself and like most people that file by themself the first time(75%) I was turned down. Well when the judge for my case this time ruled in my favor he looked back at the previous case history and saw that this had been going on since 2008(well before it actually) and set the date of my disability as the date of the original case filing in 2008. That means that I was entitled to benifits all the way back then and it arrived in the form of a check on saterday. Needless to say it was for well over 3 times what I was expecting as I was keeping my hopes low to not be disappointed, well I was not disappointed. I swear I looked at the thing for a solid minute making sure the comma was in the right place thinking I was reading it wrong but I wasn't.... I will now have to pay back the uneployment that I recieved for the years I did collect but the amount they pay is less then the SSI benifit and I didn't collect for the entire time anyway so it will still end up with me being able to pay my bills finally...

Anyway I just wanted to ask for the forgivness of the people I have got into it with, for the trouble I caused tom deaing with my tantums for lack fo a better term, and for anything/one else I have forgot. Hopefully this will be the start of a better year, first time I have actually thought anything remotely posative in years now...

Post by **stipud** » Wed Mar 28, 2012 5:55 pm

Every day I feel spoiled with the life I have. I know that for many people, one day... poof it's all gone. My wife has worked in disability, welfare and social services since she graduated Uni, so I've seen and heard it all through her. So many good people with bad luck and/or bad health. It really makes me sick when conservative types try to paint a bad picture of these people, as if they are some lazy ass slackers looking for a free handout. Try having your life stolen from you, and barely living on what most people would consider scraps. I'm sure things are worse down there too, without as much social support as we are lucky to have up in Kanuckistan.

I am so glad to hear your disability settlement finally came through (and then some). Once you've paid off your bills, I encourage you to spoil yourself MODESTLY, but save as much as you can.

I appreciate that you took the time to write this apology. There's no hard feelings on my end... I still think you are a very valuable part of this Phamily. My only advice is to try not to take things around here too seriously... it's just a silly hobby anyways

. Good luck and godspeed, and I hope you can find happiness wherever you can.

Post by **ttocs** » Wed Mar 28, 2012 6:52 pm

jesus man you painted a perfect pic with that first paragraph. If anyone else has not figured out that tomorrow everything can change for you and that you need to make the most of the time you have, please take note that it can and does. I wish you guys could have known me before I became who I am now as I even miss that dude....

My wig-out last week was due mainly to sleep deprivation after being in the hospital for 4 more days. I am lucky if I get 2-3 hrs a day/night here as with the people always comming in/out it just impossible to put any length of time together. I am the kind of person when you wake me up I am up. When I went back over it I hardly remembered some of the comments and even had to wonder what the hell I was thinkin looking back over them.

Overall I just find myself becomming a more bitter/upset person and over nothing half the time, something has to change just not sure what/how.

Yes the money will be nice to allow me to get the batteries and sound damping I was needing to complete the parts lists for the stang. There should be plenty left over to finally take care of the nearly 20 yr old suspension as well. I am trying not to piss it all away on hookers/blow/useless things but after being with out money for so long I am already planning on putting a chunk of it aside where I can't get it....

My lawyer told me that I could suppliment my SSI as long as it was not over $700 a month so I am trying to figure something out that could keep me busy but yet can still do at my leasure or as I need to depending on my health. The small vinyl cutter I got was good other then the size limiting it. I am considering getting a full-size cutter/engraver to fill that need. I can start by doing the decals for my mustang club, some simple stuff on ebay that I can just ship out when sold and seeing where it goes. I still have those full-size old-school MEMBERS ONLY PHOENIX GOLD decals with the rca's that I have been wondering the legalities of scanning and remaking as well as a couple of others that I know people would like. Not sure exactly but it is nice to have some options and independence now rather then being in the hurry-up-n-wait holding pattern that I been stuckin for years.

oldskoolmseriesfan · Post by **oldskoolmseriesfan** » Wed Mar 28, 2012 7:06 pm

ttocs, dont sweat it dude...as much SHIT as Ive got going on in my life (ex-wife being a douche bag and still hateing on me and trying to keep my kids from me) I still have my health and if I didnt I could see myself being in worse states than my life is. I feel for you dude, just try to keep your head up and remember you still have your family and the family on the phorum too.
No matter how shitty life seems .. the sun still shines.. just try to keep your head up brutha!!

Post by **smgreen20** » Wed Mar 28, 2012 7:19 pm

Just keep your head up. You never know when and where these things will come from and most times it's at the last possible minute that they happen.

I know as well what it's like. All my life my mom has worked for the local housing authority helping those in need and I've heard a lot of those same stories. When I was young, 8yrs to about 13 yrs old, my mom would take me out to get toys I wanted at Xmas time. BUT, they weren't for me. She'd drop them off unannounced to a local house whom she knew the kid/s weren't going to get a Xmas.

I've also lived it myself just 2 1/2 years ago when I lost my job. You don't see why things happen right when they do. I see it know as to why I was fired. it allowed me to qualify for financing to go back to school. That schooling is what landed me my new job that I start on April 1st. God will work on you in weird ways and will test you. The trick is to stay optimistic and believe and he will help you. I used to be the same way, optimistic up beat and a very happy person. The place I worked at for 12 yrs then they fired me and now I'm back has just killed my spirit. I knew if I had to work a 2nd shift for to long I wouldn't be a pleasant person to be around, that's turning out to be very true. I now will be able to get away from that company for good.

Keep the faith and it will all work out. Congrats on the extra $$.

Post by **ttocs** » Wed Mar 28, 2012 7:31 pm

thanks guys glad to know I have not pissed everyone off on here and I am going to try and make an effert to at the very least try not to be so negative. Its not going to be easy by any means but it just needs to be done as I can't expect anyone else to like the dude that I don't like, even if its me........ Not sure how but the first step to getting out of a whole you have dug yourself into is to stop diggin and put down the shovel before you can hope to climb out and fill it in.

00goobs · Post by **00goobs** » Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:59 pm

It is actually funny to read the discussions you and some others participate in. I have noticed a bit of negativity, but some people either deserve it or need to hear it. I think it makes for a very lively discussion when you put your opinion in everyone's face. If they don't want to read it, all they'd have to do is move on or learn something. You and whoever else that posts here may learn a thing or two and maybe enjoy the spectacle we know as TTOCS "The Enforcer", hehehe... It would be worst to ask someone to be something they're not than to accept who they are. You kinda have a lot of time to be here, and am sure it gets tiring to read the same thing over and over, but you are one of the die hard PG guys and am sure you're experience and future assistance will be more of an asset than a hindrance. Heck, getting banned on a forum makes you one of the bad boys of the group, hehehe....

Post by **ttocs** » Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:12 pm

the enforcer? lol that funny. Well glad that some of it is entertaining then and not all annoying.

But not sure about that "It would be worst to ask someone to be something they're not than to accept who they are. " - just because I am not really sure who I am right now. I know who I want to be but just not sure that I will ever be that guy again.

I will probably be called full of shit but that was the first time I had been banned from this or any other place. All I could think when I signed on and read the note was ,"Well shit can't say I didn't earn it and suprised it took this long."

I am glad to know I have not convinced everyone here that I am a raging prick as maybe now I can believe it and move on. Glad that even while I was tossin shit around like the monkey at the zoo that you were still able to gain some knowledge from it at some point(the knowledge not the shit flingin).

I have also been wanting to apolgize to bryan(dvnt) for the dd5 crap last year. When that shit hit the fan I was agian in the hospital going on a 3 day binge of anti-nausea and sleep deprovation which as we now know makes scott a ragin prick.

Is there anyone else I am forgetting? I know eric and I had a round er two but have since worked it out. I am not carrying any grudges or ill feelings and would just like to know the same as that is the way the old scott was.

Post by **fuzzysnuggleduck** » Thu Mar 29, 2012 6:56 am

Things happen in the lives of humans and we can't always see or understand why. Sometimes I don't think there even is a why, it just is.

I don't want to imply a comparison to the challenges and changes in your life that have led you to this point but I do want to share the fact that recently my wife has left me and I'm living entirely on my own for the first time in my life. Somewhere, somehow I can understand the pain of having a part of your life pulled out from under you. I know it's not the same and can never be compared but I think there is value in bringing our personal challenges to light once in a while as you have done here. I wanted to reciprocate and share one of my current life challenges as well.

I encourage you to keep working at becoming the person you want to be. Life is a continual process. Everyday I notice things about myself that I don't like, things I want to change. I believe the key is to be as honest with yourself as possible and decide what it is you want to do, what it is you don't want to do. It's a gradual process with ups and downs. It is not a direct path. You will make mistakes. You will fuck up sometimes. We all do.

Welcome back.

Post by **ttocs** » Thu Mar 29, 2012 8:59 am

I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I can't begin to imagine man. Speechless fer once........

Stryker · Post by **Stryker** » Fri May 04, 2012 5:40 am

No apology required, I'm happy that you have finally received some benefits. Hopefully it will make your daily living somewhat easier from a financial standpoint.
As far as most of your opinions and so on, I've not been personally dragged into one of the arguments that I can remember(I would remember yo)

. I just think that often times what you are thinking is what you type and then let the dust settle after that, possibly thinking in one way and the person on the other end may think something much different. I've been off work a few times for extended stretches and it offers a person alot of time to get lost in thinking, cause really thats all there is to do, think about things. nonetheless I'm glad you are having some optimism moving forward, without some positivity in life it just becomes like groundhog day(the movie).
GL moving forward, the Sun is rising in your world!!!

freshkryp69 · Post by **freshkryp69** » Sun May 06, 2012 1:04 am

Congrats on your optimistic outlook, thing WILL go your way when you sent it up right! Your a smart guy,youll get it behind you and get back to excessive car audio, but ball out this time! with some new elites to make you super happy! happiness will cure all, even sudden death! To hell with you being a dick, keep doing it or your going to get lame! callen out and givem hell like you always do!..on the warranted situations of course!

Good luck bro, and lets find you some killer car audio deals! Step it up a notch or 2 and showem whats up! start shit when its needed, we all look forward to your, not letting anyone get away with any BS here on the forum..!! wouldnt be the same if you lets us slide!!

Post by **ttocs** » Sun May 06, 2012 6:56 am

I have found the past few weeks seemed to be a little brighter/nicer. Maybe its just spring and the nice weather or maybe the retail therapy I have been doing here/there has been helping. Batteries came in last week, sound damping comes in next week and I found a performance driven air-ride system that will be the cherry on top that I didn't know was made. Work on installing the batteries has been slow, didn't think it would be so hard to put 2 - 0 awg holes in the firewall but there isn't much space behind the 302. Also been going to the range with my new gun at least once a week with some friends. I was suprised that my couch-potato friends that I normally only talk too on x-box live like to shoot and will get up and out of their house for a change so that is cool. One more project I had been wanting to do but lacking the funds for was to find a 94-95 factory cobra intake to strip the stock powder coating off of and polish. The intake was red when I got it, didn't matter the stripper took it and the powder off letting it soak in over night.

after the powder was gone I went over it with sanding drums/disks on my dremel and drill to get the casting-scale off of it. Now I am going back over the curved areas by hand to get the tool marks off and smooth it all out. Been spending a couple of hours at a time on it and have many many many more to go but its looking better already. The first two runners and the larger flat areas are smooth now.

Need more sand paper now, not gonna stop rubbin that bitch till I can see myself in it or a genie pops out and gives me a massage with a happy ending(note a female genie). Also need to make the 2nd hole for teh 0 awg waterproof grommet.....

So yea while money can't buy happyness when its not a problem things certainly seem easier/better/brighter........

jbob0124 · Post by **jbob0124** » Sun May 06, 2012 7:01 am

Good luck with the project. I've always thought the same about money. It definitely helps the situation.

Post by **ttocs** » Sun May 06, 2012 7:20 am

They say money can't buy happyness but DO YOU EVER SEE A SAD PERSON ON A JETSKI?!?!?!

ajaye · Post by **ajaye** » Sun May 06, 2012 6:47 pm

ttocs wrote:They say money can't buy happyness but DO YOU EVER SEE A SAD PERSON ON A JETSKI?!?!?!

LOL

I know I just got here, but I can relate to a lot of what you have been going through. Without getting too specific, my life has completely imploded over the past 2-3 years. I went from being an extremely successful sales manager for a fortune 500 as well as a solid professional nightclub DJ to...I don't even know what the fuck I am now. No job, no money, nowhere to live, no social interaction aside from the fucking internet, no motivation and almost entirely unable to experience joy in anything in life anymore. It is all largely because of poor/misguided medical advice from 2 different doctors I was under the care of between 2005-2010. The only reason I don't say they are 100% at fault is because I accept some responsibility for not doing more to actively seek information on my own and challenge some of the advice I was being given had I known then what I know now.

I really have no idea what the future holds for me. I have no education past high school, I worked my way up to my last position from my start as a forklift driver in high school. Unfortunately, what's done is done and I can't defer accountability for my decisions because of what happened forever. This is the most apathetic and discouraged I have ever been and the thought of feeling like this forever seriously scares the shit out of me. I appreciate reading that you feel like you're turning the corner a little bit though, I'm hoping for the same thing soon.

Post by **ttocs** » Sun May 06, 2012 7:49 pm

I know the feeling. I got a 2 yr degree in electronics and got out at a perfect time that I had a great job at intel as a tech waiting 3 months for me. It was a 12 hr shift but only had to work 14 days a month, stock options, yearly stock purchase at discount(and tax break), matching contributions on 401k, paid 2 month sabatacal every 7 yrs, it all seemed to fall into place infact if I had graduated in the following class 3 months later would have never happened. Had tons of time to enjoy my mountain biking and all the great trails in az and started racing, just could not get enough of it. The job was the easiest thing I have ever seen, my car audio install job was harder and used more electronics knowledge then intel. Then I started to get sick and it was a big deal at work because as you can imagine throwing up in a class 1 semiconductor manf cleanroom is frowned on a bit and of course I worked at the back of the plant where it took me 15 mins to get out of the fab. No restrooms, wearing gortex gowns and a full protocall of how to degown to exit the fab to find a restroom. suddenly my dream job was my nightmare.... I was doing really well up to that point, advancing to a senior tech and had the respect of my peers until suddenly I just never knew how I would feel in 10 mins. I use to pride myself on my dependability and that was the first thing to go and the toughest really. AFter that it just seemed that everything I ate got me sick and now over the years I have pretty well stopped enjoying food. I don't have any favorites anymore or actually I do but I can't eat them so thats fucked up......... Once you stop eating processed foods you will be amazed at how limited your personal life comes. Anytime someone wants to get together they want to do it around a meal and man I love to sit and watch everyone eat my favorite foods that I can't touch. You ever want to see me get really grouchy sit down and eat a pizze infront of me and I am pretty sure you will not like me after. You don't want to know the horrible things I would be willing to do just to be able to lick the greasy box of the pizza and not get sick, anyway.... And I have also noticed that it seems that as it got worse and I would have to cancel at the last minute that invites seem to be less frequent as well. I use to never like to sit still. I got a 2nd job installing in az as I had a little too much time on my hands inbetween training for racing, racing and traveling around the state for it(camping loved it), chasing tail and drinking with friends 3-4 nights a week. Now there are alot of weeks that I do not leave the house and I am just hapy to do it once a week.

Not sure what to tell you on your dark days if it were not for a strong close family I am sure I would not be here today. After watching everything I had saved up get sold to support me while I was sick(stocks, 401k, savings in general as well as the house in the pheonix housing market) get sold off or reposessed I could not imagine it getting much worse. I have always counted my blessings to have some of the best parents in the world and a brother that always has my back and if they were not here again I am sure I would not be. BUT! I can say that things can change. I read today "its not a bad life, its just a bad day". Sometimes it can be more then a few back to back to back but what goes down must go up...

Fuck am I trying to motivate someone shit guess things have changed............

ajaye · Post by **ajaye** » Mon May 07, 2012 5:07 pm

Man that sounds eerily similar to what a friend of mine dealt with for a while due to an undiagnosed gal bladder issue. I hope you figure it out, I can't imagine the frustration of not knowing. At least I have a pretty decent handle on how I got to where I am and kind of what I need to do from here, but I also know that I have to deal with it getting a lot worse for a bit before I can turn it around. I'm also in the same boat family-wise, parents and little brother have kept me going though it all. We are very fortunate in the regard.

What year Mustang are you working on? I always wanted to build a turbo fox body to have some fun with...filed away with the enormous list of shit I'd like to and am capable of doing but just lack the motivation (and money now too).

Post by **ttocs** » Mon May 07, 2012 5:28 pm

http://www.cardomain.com/ride/2395420/1 ... t-coupe-2d

page 10 shows the current stereo progress.

They said that it was my gall bladder causing this years ago so they took it and my appendix out, but it got worse. I have given up looking for a solution really and just take it day by day.

ajaye · Post by **ajaye** » Mon May 07, 2012 6:54 pm

Well if I had to have a 4th gen it'd be a windsor car (well unless I somehow magically could get a 2000 cobra r). The install looks pretty damn impressive. With all that added weight though, NEEDS MOAR POWAH.

I saw the bolt-ons on the invoice sheet for your chip so it looks like you're approaching power adder territory, any more plans for performance? I am a turbo guy so I'm partial, I can understand why the ease of a lot of the bolt on supercharger kits makes them a popular choice though, especially if you're on a stock longblock. Also, your name, email and phone number are on that invoice in the last picture, just fiy. I'm overly paranoid about keeping my personal information off of the web.

Post by **ttocs** » Mon May 07, 2012 10:28 pm

of course with a mustang a supercharger is the easiest way but I would like to be a little different and go the turbo rout someday. I am planning on the suspension next with a ride-tech air-ride system sometime in the short future and not sure if/when its time for the turbo.

Post by **stipud** » Fri May 11, 2012 8:57 am

Hey Scott, have you ever seen a naturopath? Sounds lame but they can be really good with dietary issues. You might have gluten sensitivity or something... Just a thought.

Post by **ttocs** » Fri May 11, 2012 12:35 pm

yup, tried that, accupuncture, diet restrictions..... Gluten doesn't seem to be as much of a problem as much as just some of the artificial flavors and preservatives which sucks since they are in everything.