So this dude is babysitting his 17 year old niece and she's a total stunner..
Pert little tits, long legs....mmmmm.
So he puts his arm around her..
"Do you know what I am doing?" he says.
"erm, no..." she replies.
"I'm pulling you close to me so I can see if you are warm enough..." he replies.
Then he starts playing with her tits.
"Do you know what I'm doing?" he asks.
"No" she replies.
"I'm checking your breasts for abnormalities" he replies.
Next thing he's onto her pussy, like a mouse's earhole.. playing with her clit.
"Do you know what I'm doing?" he asks.
"No" she replies.
"I'm making sure that your vagina can provide lubrication" he says.
Then he bends her over, takes out his cock and stuffs it in her.
"Do you know what I am doing?" he asks.
"Yeah, you're catching herpes" she replies.
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A little boy is walking down the street.
A old man dressed in a rain mack pulls up next to him in his car and says
"Helloooooo little boy... If I give you five bucks would you come in my car?"
The boy pauses, turns around and says
"Fuck me Mr, five bucks? I'll come in your mouth !"
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So a four year old boy goes to his father.
"Dad, where do babies come from dad?"
His dad thinks for a moment, then says -
"Ah, the stork brings them son"
"aaahhhhh" replies the young lad "who fucks the stork then dad?"
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So these two guys are sitting in the pub, both have young daughters.
They're basically talking about how they are going to fend off the young lads once they reach that age..
"I'm at a loss" says the first one.. "Fuck me if anyone tries to touch my daughther I'll be up for murder !"
The second says "It's really no problems Frank. All you need to do is
not potty train her. The lads'll soon fucking fetch her home when she shits on the seat of their car"
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So I saw this porn movie the other day... It involved a classic car, 6 dudes and 2 girls with diareah.
Pretty shitty gang bang.
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A father walks into his son's bedroom and catches him wanking.
"Pack it up ya mucky little fucker, that'll make you go fucking blind"
"I'm over here dad!"
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A guy gets married to his childhood sweetheart and they go to a hotel for their honeymoon.
As soon as they walk in he takes off his pants, throws them to his new wife and says "put those on"
She says "Fuck sake Mike they're huge"
He says "just fucking put them on"
So she does, at which point he says -
"OK look, I want you to know that this is the first, only and last time you will ever wear the trousers in this marriage"
So, she takes them off, pulls down her sexy little sized 8 panties and throws them to her new husband.
"Put them on" she says.
"FFS woman don't be daft, I'll never get into those !"
"No, not with that fucking attitude you won't" she replies.
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So a guy takes his new wife to a hotel. They have not yet had sex.
He goes down to the bar before going up to join her in the room and orders a pint of guiness.
The barman says "Look my man, you just got married and you're about to go give her some loving correct?"
"uh huh" replies the newly wed.
"Well" says the barman "Guiness will make your dick shrink, what you want is brandy..." so he gives the guy a brandy and the guy drops it and goes up to join his wife..
Half an hour later he comes back down.
"How did the brandy go?" the barman asks.
"Wonderful, fucking marvellous !" says the guy "Give me another brandy at once !..... And three pints of guiness for the wife..."
