Medical Distinction
>
> We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know
> the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
> definition for each is listed below...
>
> GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by
> your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still
> cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
>
> BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
> perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt
> and having the balls to say: "You're next."
>
> I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically
> speaking,
> there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in
> death.
a good one
-
brenzbmr@sb
- Booty Connoisseur
- Posts: 1610
- Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:49 pm
- Location: as ziggy marley said" on a beach in hawaii"
a good one
You may have subs in your car........but my doors sound better!
-
brenzbmr@sb
- Booty Connoisseur
- Posts: 1610
- Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:49 pm
- Location: as ziggy marley said" on a beach in hawaii"
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!
I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.
I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.
I calmly said no..... I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.
I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.
I calmly said no..... I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
You may have subs in your car........but my doors sound better!
-
brenzbmr@sb
- Booty Connoisseur
- Posts: 1610
- Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:49 pm
- Location: as ziggy marley said" on a beach in hawaii"
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Kreme Donuts. Then Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, an d sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Isla nd Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which tocook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan th en created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave them cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still ; satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Kreme Donuts. Then Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, an d sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Isla nd Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which tocook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan th en created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave them cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still ; satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
You may have subs in your car........but my doors sound better!
-
brenzbmr@sb
- Booty Connoisseur
- Posts: 1610
- Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:49 pm
- Location: as ziggy marley said" on a beach in hawaii"
THE MAN WHO KNOWS HIS MATH
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut
right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the
shoulder to avoid hitting her.
This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out is
window and gave the woman the finger.
"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely
and wave! in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in
traffic, and here's why:
I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.
That's 96 miles each day.
Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.
Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.
There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.
That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I
pass at least another 4000 cars.
That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass everyday.
Statistically, females drive half of these.
That's 18,000 women drivers!
In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.
That's 642.
According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying
or unrewarding.
That's 449.
According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have
seriously considered! suicide or homicide.
That's 98.
And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.
That's 33.
According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry
weapons and this number is increasing.
That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that
has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously
considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.
Give her the finger? I don't think so.
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut
right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the
shoulder to avoid hitting her.
This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out is
window and gave the woman the finger.
"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely
and wave! in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in
traffic, and here's why:
I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.
That's 96 miles each day.
Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.
Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.
There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.
That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I
pass at least another 4000 cars.
That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass everyday.
Statistically, females drive half of these.
That's 18,000 women drivers!
In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.
That's 642.
According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying
or unrewarding.
That's 449.
According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have
seriously considered! suicide or homicide.
That's 98.
And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.
That's 33.
According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry
weapons and this number is increasing.
That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that
has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously
considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.
Give her the finger? I don't think so.
You may have subs in your car........but my doors sound better!
-
brenzbmr@sb
- Booty Connoisseur
- Posts: 1610
- Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:49 pm
- Location: as ziggy marley said" on a beach in hawaii"
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that....that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in my closet now."
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that....that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in my closet now."
You may have subs in your car........but my doors sound better!
-
brenzbmr@sb
- Booty Connoisseur
- Posts: 1610
- Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:49 pm
- Location: as ziggy marley said" on a beach in hawaii"
Eve'€™s side of the story ...
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.
"So, how is everything going?" inquired God.
"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, I have just one problem.
It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. I do hate to complain but, they're a real pain," reported Eve.
Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, her limbs, eyes, ears, etc., she felt that having just two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced."
"That's a fair point," replied God, "but it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.
"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"
"Just fantastic," she replied, but for one oversight. "You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram, and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. Sometimes I feel so alone."
God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you.
Now let's see, where did I put that useless boob?"
Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that stuff about the rib?
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.
"So, how is everything going?" inquired God.
"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, I have just one problem.
It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. I do hate to complain but, they're a real pain," reported Eve.
Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, her limbs, eyes, ears, etc., she felt that having just two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced."
"That's a fair point," replied God, "but it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.
"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"
"Just fantastic," she replied, but for one oversight. "You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram, and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. Sometimes I feel so alone."
God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you.
Now let's see, where did I put that useless boob?"
Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that stuff about the rib?
You may have subs in your car........but my doors sound better!
-
brenzbmr@sb
- Booty Connoisseur
- Posts: 1610
- Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:49 pm
- Location: as ziggy marley said" on a beach in hawaii"
Gunslinger & the Old Prospector
An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day.
Hed been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey.
He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes,
a gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle
of whiskey in the other. The gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed ,
saying, Hey old man, have you ever danced?
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, No, I never did dance.
I just never wanted to.A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said,
Well you old fool, youre gonna dance now, and started shooting at the old mans feet.
The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing.
When the gunslinger fired his last bullet he holstered his gun and turned around to
go back into the saloon. The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun,
and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound.
The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet.
The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both
barrels of the shotgun.
The old man asked, Did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass?
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, No. But Ive always wanted to.
Dont mess with old farts . . . . . .
An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day.
Hed been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey.
He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes,
a gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle
of whiskey in the other. The gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed ,
saying, Hey old man, have you ever danced?
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, No, I never did dance.
I just never wanted to.A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said,
Well you old fool, youre gonna dance now, and started shooting at the old mans feet.
The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing.
When the gunslinger fired his last bullet he holstered his gun and turned around to
go back into the saloon. The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun,
and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound.
The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet.
The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both
barrels of the shotgun.
The old man asked, Did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass?
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, No. But Ive always wanted to.
Dont mess with old farts . . . . . .
You may have subs in your car........but my doors sound better!
-
brenzbmr@sb
- Booty Connoisseur
- Posts: 1610
- Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:49 pm
- Location: as ziggy marley said" on a beach in hawaii"
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with
his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old
barbershop in New York to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treepa?"
Luigi said, "Everytinga was a perfecto except for
da traina ride down."
"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Grand Central Station. My
beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food. She
brought vino, some nice a cigars for me and we were
lookin a forward to da trip. Everytinga wasa okey dokey
until we getta hungry and open upa da luncha basket
The conductore come a by, waga his finger at us and a
say, "No eat in disa car. Musta use a dining car."
"So, me and a my beautiful Virginia, we go to dining
car, eat a bigga luncha and start to open a bottle of
nicea vino! Con ductore walka by again, waga his
finger and say, No drinka in disa car. Musta use a
club car."
"So we go to club car. While drinking vino, I start to
lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga his
finger again and say, No smokina disa car. Must go
to smokina car."
"We go to smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.
Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to sleeper car
anda go to bed We just about to go boomada
boomada and the Conductore, he walka through da
hall shouting at da top of his voice, Nofolka Virginia!
Nofolka Virginia!" Luigi sighed. "Next time, I'm a
gonna take a da bus."
his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old
barbershop in New York to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treepa?"
Luigi said, "Everytinga was a perfecto except for
da traina ride down."
"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Grand Central Station. My
beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food. She
brought vino, some nice a cigars for me and we were
lookin a forward to da trip. Everytinga wasa okey dokey
until we getta hungry and open upa da luncha basket
The conductore come a by, waga his finger at us and a
say, "No eat in disa car. Musta use a dining car."
"So, me and a my beautiful Virginia, we go to dining
car, eat a bigga luncha and start to open a bottle of
nicea vino! Con ductore walka by again, waga his
finger and say, No drinka in disa car. Musta use a
club car."
"So we go to club car. While drinking vino, I start to
lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga his
finger again and say, No smokina disa car. Must go
to smokina car."
"We go to smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.
Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to sleeper car
anda go to bed We just about to go boomada
boomada and the Conductore, he walka through da
hall shouting at da top of his voice, Nofolka Virginia!
Nofolka Virginia!" Luigi sighed. "Next time, I'm a
gonna take a da bus."
You may have subs in your car........but my doors sound better!
-
brenzbmr@sb
- Booty Connoisseur
- Posts: 1610
- Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:49 pm
- Location: as ziggy marley said" on a beach in hawaii"
Redneck pick up lines
1) Did you fart? cuz you blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em.
6) If you'in I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.
7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only
a
light
switch away.
Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the
ice."
9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer
bed-rock.
10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he
went
inta
this cheap motel room.
11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til
afternoon.
and.... the best for last!
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my
nuts
tighten up.
1) Did you fart? cuz you blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em.
6) If you'in I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.
7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only
a
light
switch away.
Man - "Fat Penguin!"Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the
ice."
9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer
bed-rock.
10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he
went
inta
this cheap motel room.
11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til
afternoon.
and.... the best for last!
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my
nuts
tighten up.
You may have subs in your car........but my doors sound better!
-
brenzbmr@sb
- Booty Connoisseur
- Posts: 1610
- Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:49 pm
- Location: as ziggy marley said" on a beach in hawaii"
> THE WASH CLOTH
> There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this!
>
> I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the
week,
>but
> early on Monday morning, I received a call from his office to tell
me
>that
> my appointment had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 AM.
> I had just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was
already
>around
> 8:45 AM. Since the trip to his office would take about 35 minutes,
I
>didn't
> have any time to spare.
>
> As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene
when
> making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make
the
>full
> effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the
washcloth
>that
> was setting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that
>area" to
> make sure I was at least presentable. I then threw the washcloth in
the
> hamper, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my
>appointment.
> I was in the waiting room for only a few
> minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure
you do,
>I
> hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room
and
> pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles
away.
>I
> was a little surprised when the doctor! said, " My, we've made an
extra
> effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond. After the exam,
I
>heaved
> a sigh of relief and went home.
>
> The rest of the day was normal...some shopping, cleaning, cooking,
etc.
> After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called
out
>from
> the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"
> I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
> She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had
all
>my
> glitter and sparkles saved inside it."
>
> God bless you and keep smiling,
> There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this!
>
> I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the
week,
>but
> early on Monday morning, I received a call from his office to tell
me
>that
> my appointment had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 AM.
> I had just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was
already
>around
> 8:45 AM. Since the trip to his office would take about 35 minutes,
I
>didn't
> have any time to spare.
>
> As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene
when
> making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make
the
>full
> effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the
washcloth
>that
> was setting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that
>area" to
> make sure I was at least presentable. I then threw the washcloth in
the
> hamper, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my
>appointment.
> I was in the waiting room for only a few
> minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure
you do,
>I
> hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room
and
> pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles
away.
>I
> was a little surprised when the doctor! said, " My, we've made an
extra
> effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond. After the exam,
I
>heaved
> a sigh of relief and went home.
>
> The rest of the day was normal...some shopping, cleaning, cooking,
etc.
> After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called
out
>from
> the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"
> I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
> She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had
all
>my
> glitter and sparkles saved inside it."
>
> God bless you and keep smiling,
You may have subs in your car........but my doors sound better!
-
brenzbmr@sb
- Booty Connoisseur
- Posts: 1610
- Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:49 pm
- Location: as ziggy marley said" on a beach in hawaii"
New Exercise Program
The Doctor told me I should start an exercise program.
Not wanting to harm this old body, I've devised the following:
Monday: Beat around the bush,
Jump to conclusions,
Climb the walls,
Wade through the morning paper.
Tuesday: Drag my heels,
Push my luck,
Make mountains out of mole hills,
Hit the nail on the head.
Wednesday: Bend over backwards,
Jump on the Band Wagon,
Run around in circles,
Go over the edge.
Thursday: Toot my own horn,
Pull out all the stops,
Add fuel to the fire,
Hit the deck.
Friday: Open a can of worms,
Put my foot in my mouth,
Start the ball rolling,
Toe the mark.
Saturday: Pick up the pieces.
Exes
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drink right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
The Doctor told me I should start an exercise program.
Not wanting to harm this old body, I've devised the following:
Monday: Beat around the bush,
Jump to conclusions,
Climb the walls,
Wade through the morning paper.
Tuesday: Drag my heels,
Push my luck,
Make mountains out of mole hills,
Hit the nail on the head.
Wednesday: Bend over backwards,
Jump on the Band Wagon,
Run around in circles,
Go over the edge.
Thursday: Toot my own horn,
Pull out all the stops,
Add fuel to the fire,
Hit the deck.
Friday: Open a can of worms,
Put my foot in my mouth,
Start the ball rolling,
Toe the mark.
Saturday: Pick up the pieces.
Exes
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drink right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
You may have subs in your car........but my doors sound better!
-
Francious70
- Half Baked
- Posts: 3533
- Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 2:58 pm
- Location: TN, YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW!!!!
- Contact: