Ive got this mate. Infact I would say like hes my best mate. We've been through a shitload together, and no matter how rocky its gotten weve always remained friends.
I dont usually think about my problems, hes got enough of his own, so we usually just hang out and write code, talk about toys (techy gadgets and shit). Oh, hes in England..
Anyways. So a few years back he met this girl, she was like 18. Hes the same age as me and of course I was concerned about it (thats what mates are for) but it seemed to all be going really well.
Then she got pregant and it seemed that they were really really happy.. Hes always wanted his own kids and is a great dad.. He used to live with this bird who had kids and he was really good to them, so I knew when she was pregnant his kid would get the best.
He'd been through alot before that, lost his job, his relationship broke down and he ended up having to move miles to find work, then he lost his job again (fucking redundancy) and almost ended up homeless.. At the time that was going on I paid for a flight and brought him over for a bit to help him out.. Thats what friends do....
So anyways.. as I say then he meets this bird. Yeah she was young and of course that really worried me, but hey, as a friend Ill just sit back and be there if anything fucks up. It all seemed perfect, then she started to get a bit odd, walking out on him soon into the pregnancy.
And of course he was absolutely heart broken, and I felt so fucking bad for him.. It seems her parents were piles of shit and she had a pretty rough past due to the peopel she ended up living with.. I guess sometimes when youre used to shit you dont see whats good and where you could be really happy..
Eventually she did go back, they had the baby and again it all seemed fine... But then she got post natal depression, and he was going through more than ever. At the same time he was now working a very demanding job and doing everything he could.. Again I was there for him, but theres only so much you can do..
Well then I started to get to know his now fiancee.. We got along good, she seemed really cool and makes me laugh..
The problem is (or it would seem) she suffers from depression. So for the past few weeks I have had her telling me shes a piece of shit, wants to die, blah blah.. This is where it all got a bit hard because I have to listen to her, try and cheer her up all the time knowing that my mate is going through hell and not saying a word about it.. So I felt totally and utterly torn..
Shes been talking to these people that contributed a large part to fucking her life up, and I know that my mate isnt happy about it but hey, hes a man just deal with that because youre in a relationship. But thats what makes it hard for me, seeing her to do shit that causes him pain and anguish and then being there for HER and not him when it all falls on her lap and he has to once again deal with it all.
Ive told her that she needs to just relax, take a deep breath and be positive. That she has a GREAT fiancee (and believe me this guy is fucking awesome) that she has a gorgeous baby, that she has a nice safe life where she is.. But it doesnt work. Shes absolutely miserable and it seems she is determined to stay that way.
As I said, I never hear my friend complain or moan about her when hes not around her, but I *DO* know that hes being put through hell and I dont like it. I really dont and its fucking hard not telling her to sort her fucking life out....
A couple of days ago she told me he had been in tears. That REALLY wound me up and I got pretty upset. But again I didnt say anything, just tried to help cheer her up whilst she sat there talking shit on herself and trying to get her to realise what she has..
I reccomended she go and get Zoloft, I mean FFS there was nothing I could say or do to cheer her up and I was getting to my wits end. Its not easy being in the middle of something where you know a mate of yours is going through shit but at the same time you should be there for his bird and try and cheer her up..
Well today she comes online and starts moaning again. So again I tell her to think of something funny, but TBH I really couldnt do it today. Ive been worried sick about my friend for the past few days and I suppose I just snapped and was a bit rough, telling her how she should give him a break and stop getting into all this BS that causes them problems.. All I was doing was trying to give her a mans perspective, that just because hes agreeing to shit and saying hes ok with it that he might not be.
And she fucking blew up, telling me shes going to leave him and that its all my fault.
Then she calls him at work and starts hollering at him.. FFS Ive been up since 4am with a bad back this is the last thing I needed..
I suppose the problem is I have no fucking idea whats going down. All I know is that there is a friend of mine that has already been through enough shit to last a lifetime and when I see him getting a whole load more I find it really hard to keep quiet about it. In hindsight I should never have become friends with her tbh. It was only a matter of time before I was put in a fucking awkward situation where I would have to make a choice, and today it seems I had to make that choice....
Honestly though, how the fuck can I just sit there and agree to shit that shes doing thats going to cause my mate shit?
This guy is like THE best mate I have ever had. When his relationship broke down I was there for him, when HE broke down I was there for him.. When my marriage fell to bits he was there for me every step of the way. I really cant say enough how much he means to me as a friend.
So now I guess Im going to be the bad guy who has caused aload of shit for him. Either fucking way I have been in a lose lose situation for a couple of weeks because every time she starts with the drama I have reminded her that she needs to put him first and what a great guy he is. But I suppose today something snapped and I just let her know how I FEEL about what shes doing to him..
Super, now I get to spend the entire day fucked up emotionally wondering if there was a way to be there for everyone instead of feeling forced to say something about my friend who I am really worried about
Women..
..............
and used to try and control her.
But I always feel full after a few bits.....